Albert Einstein famously said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” And, for that reason, I’ve decided to take a step back from dating apps. At least for the time being.
You see, I’ve been using Tinder, Bumble, Happn and Hinge on-and-off for the best part of three years. During this time I mastered the art of crafting a successful dating profile, and I became a pro at steering message exchanges towards a first date. And in doing so I met some great (and sometimes not so great) guys. But nothing really stuck.
I found myself repeating the same cycle again and again; like I was acting out a scene in a movie – just with a different leading man every 4-6 weeks. Either I’d meet someone really lovely, who liked me a lot, but I couldn’t muster much enthusiasm for the match. Or I’d meet someone I was really excited about, but somewhere down the line they’d end up ghosting me.
Why I Chose to Delete Dating Apps
Now, I’m mature enough to accept the blame for some of this. And I’m sure a therapist could find lots to discuss within this repeat narrative. But, at the end of 2018 I took some time to reflect on the traps I continuously find myself falling into when dating, and I realised a lot of the fault lies with the platforms I’m using to meet potential romantic partners.
As Keely Geist brilliantly summarised on The Every Girl, last month:
“Online dating is like throwing a fishing net out there and seeing what you catch. Most of the time it’s garbage, a lone struggling fish, and a whole lot of nothing — not a realistic picture of the whole dating pool. When we solely rely on a dating app to meet someone, we are leaving it up to chance that we’ll catch a good one instead of being an active participant in finding our match.”
What Comes Next?
So, what comes next, you might be wondering… Well, I deleted my profiles on Bumble and Hinge (I stopped using Tinder and Happn long ago). And instead I’m going to work on being “an active participant” in finding a match.
Meeting someone IRL now seems so much more appealing. And I’m following the advice of dating coach Clara Artschwager by focusing on meeting people in person.
Clara recently shared her 4-step approach to meeting people in real life on The Stripe. “Despite all the claims of impossibility, I was determined to meet people in person. And not in a way that required going to bars (that would disturb my 9:30 pm bedtime) or being “on” all the time,” Clara confessed. “I was determined to weave the effort to meet my future partner or simply someone great to date into my everyday.”
Spoiler alert: Clara is now in a relationship with a man she met in a yoga class.
So for the next few months I plan to experiment with Clara’s approach to dating. Maybe I’ll use dating apps again in the future, but for now I’m enjoying taking a break. And, naturally, I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled for any hotties who happen to walk into my yoga studio…
Style Notes: Knit by Joules (past season) | Jeans by ASOS | Belt by John Lewis (past season – similar here) | Bag, just seen, by Jigsaw (gift) | Signet ring by Astley Clarke (gift) | Long pendant necklace by Monica Vinader
Have Your Say: Did you meet your partner online or in real life? And if you’re single how are you finding the whole swipe-app situation right now? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below, and let me know if you plan to delete dating apps this year too.
Photos by Kylie Eyra