Amongst my group of friends I have a reputation for being the master of dumping people over text message. Admittedly, that sounds like a pretty horrible thing to boast about, so let me explain…
It’s not that I’m afraid of commitment, or think men are disposable. I just simply cannot stand ghosting, and always choose to be honest instead of cruelly ignoring someone until they get the picture.
Now, I do understand why people choose to ghost. Telling someone the truth – or a version of the truth – is uncomfortable. But over time I’ve taught myself how to put my own cowardice aside and end things with kindness. And, truthfully, every single man I have ever “dumped” over text message has immediately responded thanking me for my honesty. People appreciate being treated with respect.
So I’ve now become the go-to girl amongst my friends for crafting “I don’t want to see you again” messages. And if this is an area you always struggle with, read on for four templates you can utilise the next time you struggling to let someone down gently.
Please note, these messages are to be used on people you’ve been casually dating only.
How to Dump Someone Over Text
OPTION #1: YOU HAD A DUD FIRST DATE
The Situation: You’ve just been on a first date and, for whatever reason, you don’t have any desire to see that person again. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to part ways after a dud first date and cease contact. But if they reach out to you and suggest a second date you can respond with a version of the following message:
“Hey! Last night was really fun – great shout on that bar! I had a great time getting to know you, but if I’m completely honest I didn’t really feel a romantic spark, so I don’t think a second date is a good idea.”
OPTION #2: YOU’VE HAD A FUN TIME DATING, BUT DON’T WANT TO TAKE THINGS FURTHER
The Situation: You’ve been dating someone for a few weeks and your connection has cooled off. You may have been really into them at first, but no longer feel excited about spending time with them and want out. Here’s what you say:
“Sorry if this message comes out of the blue, but I’ve been thinking about our situation over the last few days, and although I’ve really enjoyed the last few weeks and think you’re super-lovely, I don’t see this progressing into a relationship. So I think it might be a good time for us to part ways.”
OPTION #3: YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM DATING
The Situation: You’ve been dodging someone’s attempts to see you by claiming you’re too busy. But instead of backing off they keep persisting (because you’re just that awesome). The message template above feels too direct, but you need to say something that forces them to back off. Try a version of this template:
“You’ve probably noticed that I’ve been a little bit quiet over text lately. Sorry for the slow response times. I’m struggling to balance all of my work commitments at the moment, so I think it’s actually best if I take a break from dating right now and focus on these projects.”
OPTION #4: THERE’S ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT TO PERSUE
The Situation: You’ve been on a couple of dates with someone that you were quite keen on. But then someone else you like even more comes back into your life. If you’re in a relationship you might be reading this thinking, “But how common is that really?” And the answer is: very. This has happened to me a handful of times, and to most of my single friends who are actively dating. So, if you want to be fully honest, here’s what you can say:
Message Template: “Hi! So I feel a bit weird to send this, but a few months ago I was seeing someone I really liked, and they just bounced back into my life unexpectedly. I know this is terrible timing, but I think I need to pursue that right now. And I just wanted to be honest about the situation so you didn’t think it was anything you’d done.”
The real takeaway here is that it doesn’t really matter exactly what you say. As long as you say it with kindness. Obviously if you’re ditching your date because they treated you badly or behaved poorly you can call them out.
Have you ever had to dump someone over text? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below…
Photos by Victoria Metaxas