Last month I published a post about dealing with dating disappointments, and I was overwhelmed by the response it received. So many of you reached out via Twitter or email to share your experiences. And one thing became startlingly clear: everyone is struggling with a case of dating fatigue. Especially when it comes to swipe apps (which, let’s face it, pretty much dominate the dating arena).
I kept hearing the same things: It’s just too much effort. I don’t have the energy to put myself out there anymore. I hate using dating apps, but how else am I supposed to meet someone?
Well, inspired by these conversations, I decided it was time to take a deep dive into dating fatigue. So here are four proactive steps you can take if you’re felling totally OVER IT right now…
1. PRESS PAUSE
If dating is getting you down it’s perfectly reasonable to take a timeout. I’ve done it on many occasions. And to avoid slipping back into negative habits (AKA picking up Tinder for 20 minutes of mindless swiping) set yourself a time-frame where you’ll go cold turkey. Focus on yourself during this period – plan evenings out with friends, binge-watch an entire show on Netflix, learn how to knit, etc.. And once that time is up decide whether you’re ready to jump back into the dating pool.
2. TRY A DIFFERENT PLATFORM
“Two or three years ago all of my friends met their significant others on Tinder or Happn,” a CTP reader recently wrote in. “But now I don’t know anyone who has recently started a relationship with someone they met online. It feels like there’s no one interesting left on dating apps.”
This is a sentiment that many of you have echoed on Twitter, and I’ve definitely felt it too. Swipe apps no longer feel like an effective way to meet people. We could debate why this is all day long, but if the game-like, throwaway quality of app dating is getting you down why not take a different route? Match.com and Guardian Soulmates both require more in-depth profiles, so they’re more likely to attract users that genuinely want to meet someone.
3. RETURN TO OLD SCHOOL METHODS
In the past, if you were single your friends would constantly try to set you up with their cousin/boyfriend’s best friend/the cute guy in their office. But now that dating pretty much centres around swipe apps you rarely experience the fix-up. So ask a couple of trusted friends if they know anyone you might hit it off with, and get them to set you up. You might find there was a pool great single guys right in front of your eyes all along!
4. MAKE DATING FUN AGAIN
If I have to hear another person say “why don’t you find a new hobby or join a fitness class to meet someone new?” I will actually scream. Because no one wants to take up rock climbing or triathlon training on the slim chance they’ll meet a cute guy. No one.
But if you are desperate to meet people in a fun and sociable atmosphere it’s worth checking out dating events in your area. The prospect of attending a networking event for singles might sound just as unappealing as training for a triathlon, but dating events are slowly starting to grow in popularity.
A few months ago my friend Charlotte became a member of private dating events club, Social Concierge, which throws parties for singles in London and New York. And Match.com also hosts regular events worldwide.
“My housemate first suggested we try Social Concierge,” Charlotte told me. “The £30 monthly fee seemed like a bit of a gamble, but by that point I was sick of online dating and desperate to try something new. I was accepted within a few hours and immediately rsvp’d to their next mixer. There’s always an even split between men and women at their events. And although no one has taken my fancy yet I’ve met lots of interesting people and had some hilarious nights out.”
Are you currently experiencing swipe app fatigue? Leave a comment below to share your stories and experiences…