Ask a Straight Guy: Am I Texting My Crush Too Often?

Am I Texting My Crush Too Much?

Who do you turn to for relationship advice? I’ve always used my closest girlfriends as a sounding board, but over the last few months an unexpected advice-giver has entered my life – Monica Welburn‘s boyfriend, Oli. Being the massive gossip that he is, Oli takes more of an interest in my dating exploits than all my BFFs put together, calling me after a first date to get the 411 (sample quote: “Did he have shit tattoos?”).

And it’s actually been so helpful to get a straight guys opinion for a change. Because, as we all know, men are confusing creatures. So, as an experiment, I thought I would trial a dating column with Oli, in the hope that he can shed some light on your boy troubles.

For the debut column Kristen*, a longtime Coco’s Tea Party reader, kindly offered up her current dating dilemma. And I think it’s something all single ladies can relate to: the age-old question of “Am I texting my crush too much?” Here’s the straight guy’s verdict…

THE DILEMMA: “I don’t know if it’s just the men that I’m attracted to, but guys never seem to take the initiative to text. I feel like I’m always carrying the text conversations when I start seeing someone new. The guy I’m currently dating only takes the initiative to text me when he’s confirming a date. What’s the deal?

Sometimes he’ll respond to my messages in a closed way, and I don’t know whether he does that intentionally so the conversation comes to an end. I hate playing games, but wonder if it’s better to play hard to get and text less.

A few times he’s sent me the heart emoji, which made me melt a little bit. But I don’t want to read too much into it, because he might be sending hearts to other girls. Are guys generous with their emojis, or do they save the flirty ones for special moments?”

OLI’S ADVICE: “The one thing I see time and time again with my single friends is that no one measures new relationships on the way they interact when they’re together. Everyone is so focused on how good or bad the chat is over text message. And although texting is a fun part of dating someone new, it shouldn’t be the most important thing.

So don’t be alarmed by the lack of virtual conversation. Some guys are just really sh*t at texting and would much rather talk in person. And you’ve said he IS texting you to confirm dates, so he clearly wants to see you.

As for the heart emoji, it may sound harsh but analysing whether or not someone likes you based on an emoji is about as useful as a lead balloon. Judge him on how he acts when he’s with you, not by the emojis he sends.”


Oli The Elgin Avenue 2

ABOUT OLI: Oli has been in a relationship with Monica Welburn from The Elgin Avenue for 7 years, and can always be relied upon to give practical, no-nonsense advice. As a hairdresser he spends most of his days counselling male and female clients through their relationship woes, so by now has pretty much heard it all.


If you would like some straight-talking advice from Oli you can submit a dating dilemma to cocosteaparty@gmail.com (please put #AskAStraightGuy in the subject line). We can of course keep identities a secret. 

P.S. The one dating truth to always remember.

*names have been changed

  • This is so fun, and I like the sound of Oli’s advice already! I personally hate texting, so I’m definitely more into evaluating 1-to-1 interactions anyway. xxx

    • cocos_tea_party

      See, I love to text. So think I’m also sometimes guilty of placing too much importance on text chat – especially at the beginning. So I needed Oli’s advice too!

  • jessica

    i loved this!! nothing like a man’s take on things 🙂

  • Really loving this new feature, Ella! xx

  • Rianne Mitchell

    This post was really good, cant wait for future columns with Oli’s advice. Men are a weird species so who better than to comment than another man x

    • cocos_tea_party

      Haha! So true!

  • Interesting and nice post. You’re so right, men are confusing creatures!

  • lily

    “But I don’t want to read too much into it, because he might be sending hearts to other girls.” Is this for real… People have too much time on their hands if they are losing sleep over emojis, good grief.