Jealousy has to be one of the most unpleasant emotions you can feel, right? Luckily, I’ve become less susceptible to jealous spells as I’ve got older, and I rarely find myself feeling envious of others. However, when the Green Eyed Monster strikes it can be hard to shake off those unpleasant feelings. If that’s something you’re struggling to do, here are three simple steps that I’ve come to rely upon which stop jealousy right in its tracks…
1. QUESTION WHETHER YOUR JEALOUSY IS GENUINE
They say comparison is the thief of joy, and I certainly believe that to be true. I make a conscious effort not to compare myself to others, and always think back to what Laura Turner wisely said in her #My9to5 interview: “It’s so easy to get distracted by what other people are doing. But you shouldn’t look sideways. You just need to look forwards.”
However, we’re all human and will inevitably slip up from time to time. So when you do start comparing yourself to others ask this simple question… Do you actually want what that person has? Or do you just feel like it’s something you should have?
A few weeks ago Sherry Lansing, the former CEO of Paramount Pictures, was a guest on the Happier podcast, and she revealed she lives by this framework.
“Don’t compare yourself to others,” she told Happier hosts, Gretchen Rubin and Elizabeth Craft. “I think that is one of the most destructive things that people do. Because they can be really happy, and then they hear about somebody else and they go, ‘Oh my god, I should want that!’ But what I’m saying is don’t look to other people and say, ‘Do I have enough?’ If you think you have enough, you have enough. So don’t compare yourself to others.”
“Don’t look to other people and say, ‘Do I have enough?’ If you think you have enough, you have enough. So don’t compare yourself to others.”
2. TURN ENVY INTO ADMIRATION
If, after asking yourself those questions, you realise your jealousy does stem from a genuine desire it’s time to work on turning that envy into a positive emotion. And Monica from The Elgin Avenue revealed a great trick for this in episode #1 of the Let’s Discuss podcast. She’s found that the easiest way to stop the Green Eyed Monster in its tracks is to reach out to the person you’re feeling jealous of and congratulate them on their achievements.
This helps to re-frame your mindset, and turns envy into admiration. Instead of being the subject of your jealousy, they become an example of how your goals can be achieved. You may end up taking a different path, and your journey might be longer, but see their success as evidence your dreams are also within reach.
3. LOOK OUT FOR THE WARNING SIGNS
I’ve noticed that since reaching my late-twenties I rarely get caught by the Green Eyed Monster. And I think that’s because I’ve come to understand my own values, and I know what’s genuinely important to me. But, like I said, we all slip up from time to time. And I’ve come to recognise that I’m most vulnerable to feelings of insecurity and jealousy right before my period is due. Or when I’m feeling run down.
During these vulnerable moments I make a conscious effort to avoid self comparison traps, like Instagram, Facebook and YouTube. I know that exposing myself to these platforms when I’m already feeling insecure will just add fuel to the fire. So I prioritise my sanity and take them out of the equation completely. Then it’s impossible to make someone the focus of a jealous spell…
Have you learnt how to overcome jealousy? What are your tips and tricks for stopping the Green Eyed Monster in its tracks? Leave a comment below to share your thoughts…